On My Mind

My life has been hard for me. I've suffered from depression and low self-esteem. After the shock of my father's death, the depression drastically deepened. I wanted to die. I hated life and hated myself. Self-esteem was almost non-existent and I told myself all kinds of horrible stuff. I basically tortured myself for many years. It was a difficult place to come back from. And sometimes it is still difficult. For me, it has been a hard life.

But I work with teenagers who would wish for my life. I can't believe the lives they have lived in their short time. Many were introduced to drugs by their parents. Many come from abusive situations. Some have no one who wants them. My clients have lived many lives in their one life.

One girl shared some of her life story with me. I can't tell you her situation but it is shocking. The counselor said, "You've gone through a lot." The girl replied, "Yes, but I've done it all to myself." That resonated with me. I could say the same for my life. But I could never know what it has been like for her.

On the drive home I saw a kid walking down the street. He seemed to be maybe 15. He looked away from people, appearing not to want to meet anyone's eyes. He was thin and had dark circles under his eyes. He could very well have been a runaway involved with drugs. How is it to live on the streets? Will that kid be my client someday?

I was so thankful, as I watched him, that I never had to live on the streets. I am thankful that I had a good family situation. It wasn't perfect but it was loving and supportive. My family has never been rich but we always had a warm house to live in. I suffered from terrible emotional problems but I never had to turn to illegal drugs or a risky lifestyle to deal with them. There were other places for me to turn.

I truly believe that we all have different strengths and weaknesses. What is hard for me may be easy for others and visa versa. Someone else living my life may find it very difficult. We should not compare ourselves to others. But I can't help see other people's lives and admire their strength for being able to continue to live and survive. It seems almost impossible. I guess that is one benefit to serving others. When focused on other people's problems, ours seem so small.